How annoying

You know what really gets my back up….

People who cannot say my name or repeatedly get it wrong after I have corrected them several times. I mean how hard is it to say AMY-LEIGH!

It has gotten to the point where people are calling me Emily and I have given up with trying to correct them. I really have.

I’m thinking that changing my name by deed poll to Emily might be the easiest option because oh my daysssssss!

Throughout my life my Mam has always had to correct people that called me ‘Amy’ – no, not Amy but Amy-Leigh, my name is hyphenated and Amy-Leigh is my first name, but my god people just can’t seem to get their heads around that one.

‘So Amy is your first name and Leigh is your middle name?’ NOOOOOOOOOOO it is not!

It use to annoy my Mam so much when people use to call me Amy so imagine her fury now people are calling me Emily.

Anyways rant over, just felt like I needed to get that out before I screamed Amy-Leigh at the next person in I encounter.

Chow

Little things

It is the little things in life that I really appreciate, the unexpected things, the things that some people might over look as unimportant, but to me these little things mean a lot.

Take for example during my working day – 8-5 – many people pass through by building, in and out, there is always people dashing through at the peak times. I can say ‘Hello, good morning/good afternoon’ to each person that walks by and maybe only get one acknowledgement back.

I always think, one day am just going to sit here and not say a word and see how many people actually acknowledge me, but I don’t have it in me to be that person.

See it’s the little things of even just someone smiling back at me that I really appreciate as a smile costs nothing.

I once worked in a building where I could be sat on reception for three hours and not one passing person would acknowledge me or say a word to me, I hated this and craved human interaction once I had finished work. Chatting endlessly about nothing to the first human I would come into contact with, oh my days it was a drag if I do say so myself.

My new building that I am located in is a complete opposite to that. Many people pass through this building who I suspect speaking to me is maybe the only conversation that they may have in their day (as sad as that is and poor them talking to me!) but I can tell, as they show the same characteristics as I did after working in my old building.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this small talk. I think it’s nice to be nice and it doesn’t cost a thing. People fascinate me and I am always intrigued to learn about people and their ‘stories’. Some people may not necessarily want to share things with you but then sometimes people will tell you their life stories and this variation I like.

Since working here I have met so many lovely people, mainly elderly, most whom have been a pleasure to meet with the exception of a couple who have come across quite rude to me and very closed – but I don’t want to focus on these people as I’d like to keep their negative energy to themselves and focus on the positives.

I love that some people can just talk so openly to me about their lives, share their memories and thoughts on the world with me. I have a lot of respect and time for the elder generations and know I have a lot to learn from them, so value this time speaking with these people. For some of them they might just see chatting to me as a way to pass the time until their cab/lift comes to collect them, but to me I value these encounters much more.

I think that we should always make time for people. Whether it’s small talk with people while you are in a lift, or a simple smile. I really think that little things like these can really make a difference to someones day. I know it does mine.

Change, change, change

So, I thought that I would give you a bit of an update to where I currently am in my life after finishing University as an undergradute….well nearly – graduation yet to come. Eek..

So after all my flapping and worrying due to the uncertainty of my future I was all over the place.

I settled myself down and realised as I am more than sure I have mentioned in another post, that I had decided to stay at the same company but based in another building. Well I have moved over and it is fantastic here, the people who I work alongside and the visitors that I encounter on a day to day basis are all lovely humans, and for that, I am grateful. The best thing about moving here is the fact that I am no longer fixed to one reception, there are 3 receptions that I tend to move around on so that helps in making my day go a bit quicker and also gives me the opportunity to meet a variety of people from all of the different buildings on site.

They also have lots of overtime for me, which has been fantastic, helping me to pay for everything a real adult has to now I am officially not a student no more…until September.

I applied for various volunteering positions and I managed to secure one for the National Autistic Society working as a mentor 🙂 I start training for this in July and I really cannot wait to do this. I have such a big interest in disabilities but Autism is something that really intrigues me – hence doing my dissertation based around transitions in disabilities with specific focus on Autism. I’m really excited to see what this role has on offer for me. Working at the Seashell Trust as a volunteer has really stimulated that interest and I am so thankful for the opportunity to have worked within such an amazing organisation.

I have also just got the job to work as a sessional worker for After Adoption, this will involve working at weekend rest break camps throughout the country to support children/young people who have been or are in the process of being adopted. This is something I literally can not wait to start.

Going into the Social Work masters I would like to focus on children and families particularly around fostering and adopting, although it’s not possible to specialize, it is possible for you to pick options where you would be able to focus on these more. Therefore the opportunity to be able to go and work alongside these children and young people will be fantastic and an invaluable experience to my life and future career.

I can’t believe how many good things have come my way the passed couple of week. Positive energy breeds positive energy and negative energy breeds negative energy, even when you are at your lowest try and remember this, as positivity will always pull you through.

FAB DAY

Yey, today has been a fab day.

I woke up to find that I have only managed to go and get a FIRST in my dissertation, YESSSSSSS!

I never thought I even had it in me!

I’ve also been offered the bursary to do the Masters Social Work course at Salford!

I then received an email to say that I had been successful in my application to begin volunteering for the National Autistic Society to train as a mentor!

I did so much worrying the last few weeks I didn’t know what to do with myself, I have massively stressed myself out when there really hasn’t been need to at all!

I think the idea of change and the end of an era scared me.

Next week I start a new job in a different building, same sort of job – receptionist.

I was thinking about it and realistically in the world we live in why would I take such a drastic pay cut to work more hours for less pay but in a social care role? Just causing myself more stress and struggle, with less money to survive on.

What was stressing me out was the fact that the wage I am currently on is a good one and to take a pay cut to work in a job with more hours, less money really didn’t seem logical to me. I just thought that because I had finished my degree I should be working in a sector more aligned to it. I felt like I was wasting my degree and I always complain that I don’t have enough experience working with different service users as I would have liked to of had by now.

So to strike a happy balance I managed to find another role, similar to what I do now but in a different building, slightly more hours but with more flexibility. This new role also allows me the opportunity to volunteer in different sectors of social care and gain unpaid experience in areas that interest me. WINNER WINNER.

I hate that we live in a world that is so money driven. I would be lying if I said that money didn’t matter to me. We NEED money but what I also was contending with is that fact that I also NEED the experiences of working in social care to help progress, learn and to help me acquire jobs!

Life’s a difficult one.

But I now realise that life gives us challenge to hurdle and overcome; with each challenge something new is learnt and we grow and develop ourselves. Without these minor complications we wouldn’t have the chance to learn about ourselves.

Through the last few weeks I have learnt just how much I hate change and how much I worry when I don’t have that security of what’s going to happen in the future. I need something to work for and work towards.

Everything really does happen for a reason, even the little set backs, but things do eventually fall into place.

I am so thankful for all the good news that I have received today, I am eternally grateful!

Confusion Strikes Again

I don’t know what is up with me lately, I’m starting to freak out a little bit. I hate making decisions and I hate uncertainty but I really need to learn to man up and deal with it.

I have applied for so many jobs recently that I have lost hold of what I actually want to do with my life.

I wouldn’t care but I have an offer to do my post grad in social work, but even still, that is not 100% as I have to reach the grade to be guaranteed my place on! I just wish I had something concrete to give me that stability that I need.

I have been frantically applying for jobs the past month or so. At first I thought I should look for something more aligned to my degree of social care, and then I kind of gave up hope of ever finding a suitable job and carried on applying for receptionist/admin roles, similar to my role now.

I have been grafting everyday, putting the hours in looking for roles and applying. God, do you do not understand how long and tedious some applications can be!

Knock back, after knock back, I really was giving up hope then today I finally got a phone call to say that I had been successful for another receptionist role, more hours, same company, different building.

Not bad!

And then….

I received another phone call from a lady from Ambitious About Autism. I emailed her earlier in the week regarding a graduate scheme down in London, to train as an ABA Tutor and Learning and Behaviour Specialist. My eyes lit up when I seen this job, after all that trawling through jobs and searching I had finally found the perfect job BUT it was based in London and it was a 2 year programme meaning I would have to postpone my masters. What do I do? Dilemmas all round.

It has sent my head into over drive.

I just don’t know what to do!!

I spent so much time, effort and energy in giving my all to get onto the masters. The only thing that is putting me off is the money side of it. Will I get the bursary, won’t I? It’s bloody torture this!

The negatives with the ABA Tutor is the fact that it’s London…I can’t bare the tube, do I really want to make it part of my life for the next two year. I really need to think about this sensibly and try not to make any rash decisions.

I’ve spoken to my Mam, and she thinks that it is the wrong time for me to move to London. I also think that it is. I put my heart and soul into my masters interviews so why would I not follow this through now?

If I don’t get this bursary I won’t be saying the same thing in a couple of months haha but for now, I think I need to accept the receptionist hours, try save as much as I can to support myself during my degree and then if I still feel the same, I can always applying for the ABA Tutor once I have graduated?

God I hate making decisions.

Making irrational decisions never worked out for anyone. Always remember to follow your heart and not your head.

What I realised during all of this was that I was over thinking the whole issue, I had taken myself away from my ambitious aims of a career in social work and was focusing on money. I had let the confusion of money get to me and completely lost focus on what I actually wanted. I know that the next two years will be hard ones but in the end all will pay off and I would much rather be in a career that I have love and a passion for than for rushing into a job because of the money.

My Campaign & Me

When I was growing up I was never really a fan of make up, didn’t have a care about how my hair looked. In fact you can describe me as a tom boy. I loved all things sport. Football, rugby and netball where my sports of choice.

I always use to say to my grandparents, I’m never going to wear makeup! But turns out, as soon as I hit secondary school I began to experiment with it.

My Mam doesn’t really wear make up, the only time I would ever see her put it on was when she was going out to a special occasion, so it wasn’t something that ever interested me. I think that being surrounded by friends who were experimenting with their looks made me feel like maybe I should too, and I remember going over load on bright pink blusher and horrendous coloured eye liners.

I haven’t really been the most confident young girl in all honesty. I grew up in a small minded community where I was the only mixed raced child. Because of this I was constantly teased and bullied for being different. I hated who I was and craved to be someone else. I tried to cover my darker complexion with pale powders, but deep down I knew I was still the same, and other people still knew this and continued to bully me.

The older I got the more confidence I lost and I began having trouble with my eating. I hated myself that much I just wanted out.

The lack of confidence that I had back then had nothing to do with the beauty industry but it was more to do with the people I was surrounded by and their negativity.

As I grew older, let’s skip past most of my teens, maybe let’s say by the time I turned 19 and I was living in Manchester, I felt like a different person. I was much more confident and happy within myself, but I had different influencers that were denting my confidence, such as the advertising companies of the beauty industries.

I have realised the older that I have got, the more I have engaged with the beauty industry and the more it has played a part in my life. I don’t know why this is but this is what has seemed to have happened.

I think that the older that I have gotten the more I have begun to take notice of how much of an influence it has on my life. Beauty products are advertised in more or less every place I look. From the original magazines, TV’s, now to even my social media platforms, such as Instagram and Twitter. I again began eating less and lost quite a lot of weight on the run up to a girls holiday to Ibiza in 2009.

Looking back at some of the photos now from this time frame is quite scary because I look tiny, and right now people are always commenting on how petite I am now, so it scares me to think back to that period.

There was just something that kept nagging away at me, every time I read a magazine, every time I went online. I just never felt good enough.

Starting University was a turning point in my life. It removed me from toxic ‘friends’ that were encouraging this negativity and gave me a whole new level of confidence. For the first time in my life I felt genuinely accepted for being me. It was a nice feeling to know that no one was judging me, everyone seemed accepted here and cherished for their individuality and differences.

Since starting uni and moving into halls in first year, I can only say that my confidence has flourished. I have finally found it within myself to accept myself for myself and stop worrying and comparing myself to other people.

Sometimes you have to remove all the negativity from your life to truly realise how poisonous it was and to realise your own value.

Thanks to the fantastic friends that I have met at uni, I am finally happy and have learnt over the past 4 year to love myself for myself and bounce negativity away. I do things for myself now and not to conform to any current trends.

The experiences that I have had during my life time greatly affected my campaign and made me want to focus more on promoting body confidence as a whole instead of body shaming people for the choices that they make. I just wanted to encourage and inspire youngsters and people of all ages to love themselves for themselves, and I hope that this has shone through within my blog.

North/South Divide

I’m a Northerner. I’m Northern through and through, as some might say. I grew up in the Western Lake District and I have spent most of my life there, until I moved further down South to Manchester…..

I only recently ventured down South (London/Kingston Upon Thames) and it wasn’t because I don’t like Southerners or any other reason why I hadn’t been down South, it was only the fact I never really had a reason to go down.

I was blown away by the hustle and bustle of the busy bodies flitting around Victoria Station, I just felt so flustered. In particularly I HATED the tube, so many people rushing to jump onto the this rammed train, when there will be another one leaving in approximately 3 minutes. I just couldn’t understand what all the rushing was about?

Really dislike the tube. And rushing.

The funny thing is when I moved to Manchester my Auntie use to tell me how slow I was at everything that I was doing, but told me that in time I would adapt and I would become use to the speed and lifestyle in Manchester, but I never quite understood what she meant – as I felt like I was perfectly fine.

Going back home to the Lakes nowadays and I am constantly nagging my Sisters and my Mam to ‘hurry up’ and ‘get your skates on’ – they are so slow I feel like they are all stuck in slow motion. I really want to stick a rocket up there a$%*s! Everyone in Cumbria seems this way though, everyone is so laid back, not a care in the world. No rushing for anyone, plenty of time!

I think I am a quite open minded person, I love everyone as I am a people person. Love meeting new people and getting to know everything about them, regardless about where in the world they are from.

Recently I have become aware of how Southerners view us Northerners and I have noticed that this seems to be cemented by images they see across the media and television, and do you know what it’s really starting to infuriate me!

I never really believed much in this north/south divide. Coming from Cumbria and residing in Manchester for the past Five year I have never really felt it.

Spending a bit more time down South recently and I have noticed how Southern’s tend to make jokes about where I am from, how ‘shit’ the North is, and how they ‘would never move up there’ (even though, may I add, they have never actually been up here!) It has begun to anger me and make me really defensive about the North. I believe that the North is a beautiful place and despite it’s bad press and misrepresentation, it has a lot to offer.

Watching Bear Grylls The Mens Island this week and a class war seemed to break out between them. With one Northern gent in particular arguing that being from the North, you are brought up to do manual labour, and you grow up to do manly jobs and know how to make a living through ‘grafting’. He suggested that because one of the other camp mates was from down South, he was shying away from the manual work, taking on only the easy jobs because he’s never done a hard days graft in his life. He was suggesting that because this gent came from the South of England he wasn’t use to doing manual labour and was use to people doing things for him. The Northerner in question said the following during a heated discussion,

“Where I come from, we vote every four years for people who speak like you,” he said. “We put every last vestige of trust in that person, and then you dick on us every single time… so unfortunately, I can’t trust you.”

It seems to be dislike through association, viewing the Southerners accent as a marker of wealth and status – associating him with the likes of politicians.

I think it seems unfair to judge someone based on their accents. Yes, he may be well educated, and yes he may not have done much manual labour in his life, but he has still worked hard to gain a career. This is the first time I have ever witnessed first hand a Southerner getting singled out because of their Southern heritage. Normally I have witnessed it the other way round but to see this shocked me. I also noticed that once one of the Northerners said this, a few others also jumped on this band wagon, but maybe with not as much hostility.

The north of England always gets stick. We get shit documentaries made about us, to name a culprit ‘Benefit Street’ and if you have a look and see where other similar documentaries like this are filmed, bet you my bottom dollar it is the North (or the Valley’s, sorry Wales!) But I bet there is deprived areas of the South, why don’t they get any stick? And there is genuine reasons why some areas of the North are so deprived, but we need to stop being so small minded and painting everyone with the same brush.

At the end of the day regardless of our accents we are all still humans and deserve to be treat with the same amount of respect irrespective of where in the world we have been brought up. We wouldn’t dare discriminate against someone due to the colour of their skin nowadays, so why should be judge because of someone location or accent? It seems like we are going backwards to me.

Me, myself and I feel like that when I go down to London, people don’t tend to take me seriously because of my accent. I feel like this is always a point people like to take the piss out of, and guess what it is really grating on me. I want to scream ‘don’t undermine me because of my accent’ and maybe even stamp my feet a little bit. People don’t actually believe me when I list off my qualification and all that jazz, but why should I have to do that to be taken seriously?

The way that I feel when I leave the South makes me reluctant to going back as it’s draining having to prove my self worth and defend the whole of the North every time I make a visit.

The media and television programmes are too blame for this ever growing North/South divide and something needs to be done and this situation needs to be addressed before it get’s even more out of hand.

We are all the same and as one of the ladies on Benefit Street said the other day,

We all shit, piss and were born out of the same hole

So why aren’t we all treat equally? Nice little phrase, bet that one will stick with you.

A petition has even been made for the North of England to be part of Scotland!!!

More than 12,000 people have signed a petition demanding the north of England break away from the “London-centric south” and join a new Scotland.

The petition says the northern English cities “feel far greater affinity with their Scottish counterparts such as Glasgow and Edinburgh than with the ideologies of the London-centric south” and demands secession from the UK.

(The Guardian, 2015)

But my point is, this is out of hand now.

This make a change, change our attitude, get over this North/South divide and learn to love our Country as a whole.

Odd Situations

Working as an examination invigilator is a funny role for me.

Baring in mind I am only 23 and I have done this job for the past five year and I am also a student….

It’s weird being on both ends. Reading out the invigilation instructions, peering at the students knowing what it feels like to be in that position. I always sympathise with them and can feel their stress. Luckily for me this year I haven’t had to undergo any exams, just coursework for me woohooo!

What’s annoying is how many people look at me and try to undermine my professionalism by asking me age related questions and trying to undermine by knowledge. It’s hard because a lot of the people that I invigilate are older than myself and I think that some don’t particular enjoy being told what to do by a ‘youngster’. I’ve always been taught to respect my elders, but why wasn’t the same occurring back? It has me baffled and annoyed.

The amount of people that try and push me, test me, try and get away with every little thing they can is unreal. I’ve been in situations where people have moved desks and papers closer together, then try to trick me into saying thats where I originally put them. I’ve had people openly talking in their own language to other candidates during the exam and I’ve had candidates beg me to let them finish the answer….that’s if they haven’t still been writing.

Sometimes I just cant understand their mentality I would never have the face to do anything like that in an exam. I know that if they had an older invigilator they wouldn’t dare to act in the ways they do with me. It’s got me really riled up as age to me is just an number and I think that people need to remember that.

At the end of the day we are all humans and we all deserve respect.

#SayNoToAgeism

Hmmm

So I have recently blogged about the Protein World – Are you beach body ready campaign – and noticed that throughout social media images have been circulating of the advertisement that has been vandalised by angry campaigners, or has it?

It made me think back to a lecture I had earlier in the year on ‘culture jamming’ –

Culture jamming, is the act of using existing media such as billboards, bus-ads, posters, and other ads to comment on those very media themselves or on society in general, using the original medium’s communication method. It is based on the idea that advertising is little more than propaganda for established interests, and that there is little escape from this propaganda in industrialized nations. Culture jamming differs from artistic appropriation (which is done for art’s sake), and from vandalism where destruction or defacement is the primary goal.

Could this be seen as body shaming propaganda/culture jamming?

Here are some of the images that I have seen on Twitter –

@cait_gc @AnyBodyOrg @UK_Feminista @SukiKF lolz pic.twitter.com/Oo2buzld4q

— ETRA (@everyoneisetra) April 23, 2015

We love London. Fuck patriarchy. pic.twitter.com/bDeET7pzdO

— The Vagenda Team (@VagendaMagazine) April 22, 2015

https://twitter.com/ellaisahoot/status/590811964370194432

I committed an act of civil disobedience last week and it felt glorious @VagendaMagazine @EverydaySexism pic.twitter.com/4jl8vbnulU

— Miranda Fay Thomas (they/she) (@DrMirandaFay) April 22, 2015

@VagendaMagazine @cait_gc I went one further: pic.twitter.com/oFGuhxuJy6

— Nicole 🖖 (@NicoleBurstein) April 24, 2015

You're god damn right @Catstello and I are beach body ready. No help needed, we're #alreadyperfect. #bodypositive pic.twitter.com/UysgHFkvpa

— Fiona Longmuir // Looking for Emily is out now! (@fionalongmuir) April 22, 2015

https://twitter.com/stonecypher/status/592381646478901248

And I really could go on.

What I also seen on Twitter was Protein World making inappropriate comments towards campaigners who were trying to challenge the meaning behind the adverts. Take a look at the sort of replies angry campaigners were receiving from Protein World themselves –

@HarrietEJohnson @FemLonCon Grow up Harriet pic.twitter.com/LRHqOptpk4

— Protein World (@ProteinWorld) April 23, 2015

https://twitter.com/mikederismith/status/592664623523979265

It is clear to see from the response of Protein World that they are blissfully unaware of the pressures that youngsters are facing and the ways in which they are contributing to these through the use of their advertising tactics.

I think the responses show ignorance and immaturity and they should be ashamed.

I am pleased that so many people are actively getting involved in campaigning against their posters and trying to challenge the stereotypes that they are presenting. Is it lovely to see so many activists come together to try and make a difference, old, young, men and women, it is great to see.

I applaud all involved, well done!

Venting

I think that sometimes its good to vent, good to let it all out and have a little cry, so this is exactly what I am going to do.

Today I have had one of the worst days I have had for a LONG time.

Firstly, I was woken up at 7:55am by a work colleague who informed me that my interview for a different role within the company was in fact today at 8:30am and not next Friday.

Great, great start to my day.

So here I am rushing and scrambling, trying to do a million things at once and order a taxi to get to my interview on time.

If you read my blog regularly you will have read a post were I said that – failing to prepare is preparing to fail. I said I was a big believer in this quote and what was I doing this morning, walking into my perfect job absolutely unprepared.

Needless to say I think it went terrible, I felt rushed and scatty because I hadn’t prepared myself with potential questions and answers and I really did leave that interview feeling deflated. I felt that if I hadn’t of at least tried then what does that say about me.

Sooo, not in the best of moods.

But then, I received a phone call off one of my chosen uni’s of which I have received an offer to undertake my post grad Social Work course there and BOOM my day gets twice as worse.

So heres the sitch –

When you go for the interview every section of the interview is marked and scored, the best applicants/scorers get awarded the bursary – of which there are few (50 places and 43 bursaries)

I fancied my chances and thought I must be pretty unlucky to not be awarded a bursary at my 1st choice uni….turns out I was unlucky enough.

I feel so gutted, so heart broken. It’s silly really because it doesn’t mean that this is the end and I can no longer undertake my masters, because I can, just somewhere else, as I might have still received the bursary at my other choices. But I just felt like I had been kicked in the stomach as I had my heart set on this one. I feel like sharing this story will help me to vent and get it off my chest, whilst also putting into perspective my options.

Trying to weigh up my options now but I don’t feel like I am in the right place to make a rational decision about my future, and you will probably agree.

All I want to scream is – WHY, WHY ARE FEES SO HIGH?

When all you want to do is study to make a better life for yourself and build yourself a future, how can they take this away from people by having such high fees? They make it impossible for working class people to try make something of themselves.

I feel sad that I have to rely on a bursary to be able to help me fund the course, but in all fairness you have got to do what you got to do to succeed. I really am hoping that I am successful and meet the eligibility criteria for the other two unis – although one is completely out of my financial zones, but I can’t give up hope.

Although I might not particularly want to do my masters at a different uni, I might be in with a chance of a bursary there, and I just need to realise that it’s only two years, and I will still graduate at the end with a MA in Social Work, no matter where I undertake my degree.

I think I’m just scared of the unknown and scared of change. Everything in my life right now is changing and I have no control over it, so I wanted the stability of knowing I was transitioning to somewhere familiar but just at a higher level.

I suppose that stepping out of my comfort zone will help me to push myself. It will expand my horizons, help my personal growth and strengthen me as an individual.

So, I suppose all is not doom and gloom!