Confusion Strikes Again

I don’t know what is up with me lately, I’m starting to freak out a little bit. I hate making decisions and I hate uncertainty but I really need to learn to man up and deal with it.

I have applied for so many jobs recently that I have lost hold of what I actually want to do with my life.

I wouldn’t care but I have an offer to do my post grad in social work, but even still, that is not 100% as I have to reach the grade to be guaranteed my place on! I just wish I had something concrete to give me that stability that I need.

I have been frantically applying for jobs the past month or so. At first I thought I should look for something more aligned to my degree of social care, and then I kind of gave up hope of ever finding a suitable job and carried on applying for receptionist/admin roles, similar to my role now.

I have been grafting everyday, putting the hours in looking for roles and applying. God, do you do not understand how long and tedious some applications can be!

Knock back, after knock back, I really was giving up hope then today I finally got a phone call to say that I had been successful for another receptionist role, more hours, same company, different building.

Not bad!

And then….

I received another phone call from a lady from Ambitious About Autism. I emailed her earlier in the week regarding a graduate scheme down in London, to train as an ABA Tutor and Learning and Behaviour Specialist. My eyes lit up when I seen this job, after all that trawling through jobs and searching I had finally found the perfect job BUT it was based in London and it was a 2 year programme meaning I would have to postpone my masters. What do I do? Dilemmas all round.

It has sent my head into over drive.

I just don’t know what to do!!

I spent so much time, effort and energy in giving my all to get onto the masters. The only thing that is putting me off is the money side of it. Will I get the bursary, won’t I? It’s bloody torture this!

The negatives with the ABA Tutor is the fact that it’s London…I can’t bare the tube, do I really want to make it part of my life for the next two year. I really need to think about this sensibly and try not to make any rash decisions.

I’ve spoken to my Mam, and she thinks that it is the wrong time for me to move to London. I also think that it is. I put my heart and soul into my masters interviews so why would I not follow this through now?

If I don’t get this bursary I won’t be saying the same thing in a couple of months haha but for now, I think I need to accept the receptionist hours, try save as much as I can to support myself during my degree and then if I still feel the same, I can always applying for the ABA Tutor once I have graduated?

God I hate making decisions.

Making irrational decisions never worked out for anyone. Always remember to follow your heart and not your head.

What I realised during all of this was that I was over thinking the whole issue, I had taken myself away from my ambitious aims of a career in social work and was focusing on money. I had let the confusion of money get to me and completely lost focus on what I actually wanted. I know that the next two years will be hard ones but in the end all will pay off and I would much rather be in a career that I have love and a passion for than for rushing into a job because of the money.